Tuesday, June 19, 2012


Hello, and welcome to what will certainly be an ever changing blog centered on toys and the general hilarity that I find within them.  Of course, by "changing" I mostly mean the look and setup of the blog.  I'm new to this whole thing, so I'll be slowly choosing a background and various other things as time passes.

That's boring, though.  You don't wana hear about that - you want the BAM! the POW!  What is this blog about, why should you pay attention, and will you be thrown out if you cannot produce the required tophat and monocle?

All good questions!  Lets start with the "what."  This blog will be about my wide interest in toys.  I've been interested in them since I first put He-Man's hands in my mouth and chewed the ever loving heck out of them.  I assure you though; my interest in toys has gone well beyond how fantastic it is to chew them mercilessly.  In fact I can proudly say that my original Skeletor was my last real toy snack, so they're all unharmed save for the usual wear and tear (or mysterious breakages). 

Now, why should you pay attention?  There are plenty of blogs and videos reviewing and talking about toys.  What will I do differently?  Well, I can't promise anything wildly different, but I can give you the guarantee that humor will almost always be a part of anything I do on this blog.  There are very few things worth taking seriously about toys - and hey - they are toys!  They're supposed to be fun!  So why write a blog about toys that isn't fun?  You don't want that; I don't want that.  Nobody wants that.  Er...well some people do, but that should be one of the reasons you're here!  You're tired of the same 'ol toy blog about some dude's beef with  -insert toy company here-.  What you want is jokes!  Pizzazz!  There's also no reason why you can't find out about some real fun toys you've never heard of in the process.

Finally: I'll accept those without tophats and monocles, but you'd better at least have some old timey riding goggles and a scarf, 'cause it's gona be a bumpy ride!  ...mostly because this blog is rough as hell and the smoothing process will be long.

So I'll end this introduction with a bit about my own toy history, and I'll invite you to come in and answer some of these questions yourself, if you like!

Earliest toys in memory:  Masters of the Universe, or "He-Man guys", as I called them.  An 80's toyline by Mattel; you may have heard of it.  Had a cartoon 'n such.  The toyline came in around 82, and I was born in 83, so you can see how my first encounters with MotU toys were of the chewing kind.  They were my older brother's toys first, so I can imagine that I may have been a horrible little monster that came in and chewed everything into uselessness.

Things you look for in a toy:  Robots (fully armored figures count in this area too), ninjas, skeletons, anything with a sword, well articulated (but not over articulated), glow-in-the-dark, translucence, comedic value...I think that covers it.

Weirdest toy collection:  Plastic swords.  It's not a large collection, and I don't go out of my way to get every single one, but I do have a plastic trashcan with a ton of plastic swords sticking out of it in my closet.  I count lightsabers in that arena as well.  And nerf weapons!

Favorite toy that is not an action figure:  This customized Nerf Maverick given to me as a christmas present from my wife in 2010.  It's all steampunked and even has a working flashlight attached!

If you had an action feature, what would it be?:  Battle damage!  You could remove parts of me to reveal my robot insides.  Put 'em back to fix the damage!  Also I believe there would be a button to press to make my insides light up. 

Largest collections:  I have a wide interest in toys, but nevertheless I still end up sticking to a pattern for certain things. 

 - G.I. Joe (3 3/4 size):  This one started around the 2000's when G.I. Joe started back up (from having ended in 1994).  I've always loved these figures for being the perfect little actors.  They're small, so they can go anywhere, and they come with a ton of accessories to mix-and-match for your perfect soldier, robot, ninja, whatever.  They cover so much ground, and though they often give you a filecard for information on the characters, they are still ripe for anything you can think of.  I used them for just about any story I could come up with, and many of those didn't have anything to do with G.I. Joe.  A very versatile set of figures!  I review the current lines of Joes over on Joebattlelines and Joesightings in what I ended up calling "Alexx Shorts" (because they used to be a short look at the figure).

 - Mobile Suit in Action (MSiA):  This one is changing, but it is still a large part of my collection.  This was a toyline based on the Gundam franchise.  It focused on bringing you super articulated toys of just about any mech that showed up in the various Gundam series; sometimes the mechs were obscure suits that were shot down in seconds - think Star Wars when it comes to these toys.  Meaning: they would make anything.  Doesn't matter how much screen time it had.  Now, as I said, this is changing.  The MSiA toyline is dead, and it has sort of taken up a new form in Robot Damashii (Robot Spirits).  I've got a few of them, but they just don't have the same quality in some aspects, so I don't have nearly as many (though some have been changing my mind).

 - Superheros: I just lump them all together, and there's no denying that they comprise a large part of my toy collection.  From the old Toybiz stuff to the later Toybiz stuff (Marvel Legends) onward to the current Hasbro offerings and many things in between.  Some heros (Spider-Man) and villains (Dr. Doom) take precedence over others, but overall I've got a ton of figures based mostly on whoever-looks-cool.

 - Transformers:  I'm always surprised when I end up having to write this one down as a large part of my collection, because I don't really consider myself a Transformers fan.  I know Optimus, Megatron, Soundwave, Shockwave, Starscream and a score of others...but I don't really pay attention to most of the stories behind them.  Seems my interest lies with the fact that I just love robots!  I don't even think these figures really got good until Beast Wars, and then better with Cybertron and beyond.  It took them awhile to become awesome vehicles and robots without having to sacrifice one or the other in terms of design.

 - Masters of the Universe Classics:  This is a fairly new deal that began in 2008 and has continued to roll on with a subscription service - like with magazines, but you get toys every month.  I knew I had to jump on this, 'cause as I've stated, MotU is a very nostalgic toyline for me.  My very first toys.  And this line focuses on EVERYTHING that has ever been involved with He-Man, so it covers so many bases.  If you like it, then it'll be in MotUC.  Monsters, demons, robots, spacemen, barbarians, beasts, ghosts, etc etc.  Plus, it's almost a history of toy mechanics!  Glow-in-the-dark, spinny weapons, claws, battle damage, and the like.  They don't put "action features" in the figures, per say, but many things carry over anyway without interrupting the sculpt of the figure.  This toyline quickly built up to one of my largest since the subscription system allowed me to not miss a thing. 

Alright, I think that covers the general aspects of my interest in toys.  Thanks for sticking with me through the intro, and please feel free to have a look around.  Hopefully you'll have a good time and find something to laugh at; either because the toy jokes are hilarious, or because a grown man enjoys toys that much.  I'll take whatever laughs I can get!


  1. Hey, congrats on finally getting this party started! Now that you've officially taken the plunge I'm going to have to get going as well, so I don't get left behind.

    Now sir, you are being Followed. Monocle high five!

  2. I just spent several very happy hours making my way from your latest post all the way back here. I am so glad you did this, man; your photos and poses are parts-swaps are inspired.

    This is the most fun I've had checking out a new (to me) blog since I stumbled upon Dave's Long Box a few years ago.

    Never stop!

  3. Replies
    1. I know, right? Hopefully this thing'll be full of stuff! I mean, beyond MotUC.

  4. OK I am about to archive-binge on your blog, so expect to get a bunch of emails about my comments. I've always enjoyed your reviews on JBL and I've always loved doing toy photo comics; I admit some of the ones I've done recently on my tumblr (theassortment.tumblr.com) take inspiration from you. Anyway, for the love of god, please, carry on. The toy collecting world needs more enjoyment and less angst.

  5. First thing I see on your tumblr is a Mandalorian using a dog as a gun, so I think we're on the same page from here on out.

    Anyway: Man, you're hitting all the Joes I was supposed to have reviewed by now! I'm so crazy behind on all that junk.

    So yeah, great to hear you've enjoyed the Joe stuff, and I'm glad you're going through the archives here; makes me feel like it has some use. I totally agree: The toy collecting community needs constant shots of comedy to keep them out of trouble.

    1. Oh, and I should add that I bought three of the 30th Anniversary Techno-Vipers. Because reasons.

    2. Points for acknowledging there are three main Techno-Vipers! Seems like a lot of folks just mention the two that talk all the time, but often there's 'ol number 3 back there on a laptop or something; not sayin' much. Someday those slackers should get names.