Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Alexx Shorts: 30th Lifeline (1/30/12)

Well, this is it: I've finally decided to start reposting my old "Alexx Shorts" G.I. Joe reviews.  They're the reviews that lead to what eventually became this blog!  I'll be posting them in straight copy-and-paste format, separating them with bold dotted lines so you know where they begin and end, and then I'll post some final thoughts on what I think of the figure currently.

For those unfamiliar: I used to take random pictures here and there, but by the time the Rise of Cobra toys came out, I was getting annoying with how much people had been bashing the figures which were clearly better than the previous 25th Anniversary offerings.  I set out to show people how awesome they were, and things went from there, forming into "Alexx Shorts", named so because I thought I was going to keep to a short format with a few pictures.  I did not do that.

Just make sure he remembers where he holsters his gun


Look at that smug S.O.B. Guy knows what he's doin'! The man is a DOCTOR. Everything about him says "SHOOT ME!"---er, I mean "I'MA HEAL YOU!" But you know a guy in all red is gona get shot first. Just ask the Crimson Guards!

Forget that though; we collect G.I. Joe! Bright colors are a given, and I honestly love the red with the "Rescue" on his leg like that. When you're doing a fantasy military line, you gotta give some guys a clear this-is-what-he-does look, and there can be no mistaking what Lifeline is all about! 

Pimpin'.  He's all about pimpin'.  I mean LOOK AT THOSE SHADES!!

Okay okay, seriously.

Lifeline is pretty much the same as what you got as a kid, if you had the original. I mean, look at the original and look at this guy - THIS is what the 25th anniversary was supposed to have done when it had started. They tried, but only managed to sort-of get the idea across. This is about as close as you can get to an exact recreation of the original Lifeline; pockets and all. It's kinda hard for me to tell if that's a good thing. On one hand, I want new interpretations of classics, like Flash in RoC. Totally different idea of a laser trooper - what you might think of one NOW rather than in the 80's when they were protected by waffle armor. So I guess this guy isn't doing ANY of that. On the other hand, I never had this guy, and the asthetics are fantastic! I look back at the original and I look at this one and I think: "Well! No need for that old one." I couldn't do that with some of the 25th guys. Of course, it only gets better with accessories:

Look at that stuff! You look back at the original and it sorta did what I LOVED about Joes back then. The stuff had detail, like with the oxygen mask. We get that here, but so much more!

There are only places for the paddles and IV bag, but you can fit the tube and mask in there pretty easily yourself. 

When you get down to it, this is all he's got to carry, save for the stretcher. The knife goes in the sheath, the pistol and needle gun in the side or front holster, and he carries the case and rifle! Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! When you're gona give a guy a lot of accessories, I friggin' LOVE it when they can mostly store away. I suppose you should get used to this gushing about 30th single packs 'cause they generally are getting this stuff DOWN. Lifeline is the prime example of how it's done.

Okay, so: what's cool about Lifeline as a figure? Accessories are cool, but can he use them?

Oh yeah. The hands aren't perfect, but they get the job done. Only problem I might have is with the paint coming off the hands or the weapons, which I suppose is one of my minor complaints: The weapons are painted black, and I've already noticed a tiny bit of flaking on the handles. Not a huge thing for me, but something that I'd like them to stray away from with further figures. You can paint 'em with the toughest stuff you got, but painted weapons will ALWAYS flake.

Anyway, the weapons fit on the figure very well and add to the overall detail. He's got a knife, gun, and needle on his person, as well as whatever this is:

The gun fits VERY tight, though the needle can fall out sometimes. I went back and forth on where to put the gun and needle; they both fit in either holster. I noticed on the original figure that the holster on his leg looked like it had the needle, but I still can't decide where they look the best.

Just don't mix them up, you know. Anyway, since we're talkin' about detail:

A look inside his Case O' Miracles. The case, the pockets, items - MAN! So much detail! And how many of you folks thought his helmet was molded on when you first saw him in toy show pics? I mean, when you have it on it looks just the original figure! Fits so well you'd swear it didn't come off. Fantastic! Another perfect example of how helmets should work, and something that, once again, the 30th line is getting right.

Gush gush gush. I don't think anyone is gona be surprised with a "BUY THIS" recommendation at the end, are you? How about further Proof of Awesome? How do those medical items work with other figures?

Perfectly! The mask fits on most people (though some figures have fatter heads than others, but you can usually work it) and the IV bag fits right into the stretcher and the tube clips to the arm of any figure! I mean, look at that! It really looks like he's working on him! (You know, save for my inability to leave a picture wordless.) Are you buying this yet? Did you already order him? I didn't even need to do this review, did I? oh wait of COURSE I did, or else I wouldn't be able to do stuff like this:

I...wha....was that even a joke? 

Ahbgrblagh - forget it, BUY THIS. No doubt about it. He comes with awesome accessories that he can USE, and they are useful with all of your other Joes. No medic so far has come close to the kinda stuff this guy has, so he's just as invaluable as a real medic! And dude - no no, come closer - DUDE. Seriously. Look at them shades. 

You know the ladies are all-up-ons because of those shades. Thems is HEALIN' shades, because they bring the ladies, and that kinda pimpin' saves lives.

I'm seriously running out of ways to tell you this figure is awesome. I didn't even know what to say through a review with all these pics - I just KEPT TAKIN' PICS. I mean, there are just so few Joe figures with shades. I had to take the chance.

So yeah, I'll say it one more time: go buy this figure. It's as cool as a medic can get. BUT WAIT, don't go buy him yet I have another comic


HA! That fell kinda flat. Okay you can go buy the figure now. 

WAIT, no wait I got something else. Just in case you guys have the Hard Master figure from the 25th line, you can now create that Ninja Force Lifeline I know you've all wanted like, FOREVER.

Okay that's enough.

Wait no, one more thing: and this one is more for me than for anyone else - You ever use Joes as more than who they were? You know the situation with video game toys when we were growing up, as in: there weren't any. Well I used to use Joes as stand-ins for various guys, and would slide pen grips on thier arms and use people as Mega Man guys. Well I never had anyone that worked well for Proto Man:

BAM! Finally! After all these years, someone has the shades to be Proto Man.

Okay okay okay you're all dismissed!


It's getting hard to add afterthoughts on these guys, 'cause they're all awesome!  Past Alexx was right - this figure is awesome, and he's still awesome.  Plus, there's no better place to get tiny, accurate medical supplies (that I know of). 

Instead, I'll just say that Past Alexx threw all the jokes at the wall and hoped they stuck.  I remember doing my best ideas, but MAN I just did ALL THE IDEAS for this figure and filtered nothing.  Alexx Shorts they are not.


  1. The original was one of my all time fav figures, this remake is no different. SHame he didn't come with the Parachute gear that the Club Hit N Run got... maybe someone will cast in in Brown?

  2. This figure inspired something similar with me.

    I'm still pretty proud of that one (oh hey! you commented it back then! jeez that was five years ago)

    1. HA! I remember that one! Yeah that's still hilarious!