Alexx Shorts: PoC Storm Shadow - Shaming His Forefathers (12/28/10)

Well, this is it: I've finally decided to start reposting my old "Alexx Shorts" G.I. Joe reviews.  They're the reviews that lead to what eventually became this blog!  I'll be posting them in straight copy-and-paste format, separating them with bold dotted lines so you know where they begin and end, and then I'll post some final thoughts on what I think of the figure currently.

For those unfamiliar: I used to take random pictures here and there, but by the time the Rise of Cobra toys came out, I was getting annoying with how much people had been bashing the figures which were clearly better than the previous 25th Anniversary offerings.  I set out to show people how awesome they were, and things went from there, forming into "Alexx Shorts", named so because I thought I was going to keep to a short format with a few pictures.  I did not do that.


The breeze flirts with the cherry blossoms as they dance to the ground.  Storm Shadow's blood pools and shines in the moonlight.

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Yeah, that's right. Who loves ya? Alexx does! When a new wave is just coming out and you're itching to see some new stuff, Alexx brings you the goods. And the goods, in this particular case, is this:

That's right, it's Whirlwind Kick Storm Shadow! Otherwise known, I guess, as Arctic Threat Storm Shadow (given his filecard). However, he's not even in with the rest of the guys doing his Cobra thing: oh no! According to the card, this is just his fancy climbing gear so he can get to a temple and have a test. You know, a test that only a friggin' ninja master can take. I guess it's an ULTIMATE TEST. Perhaps it's like being a doctor, and he's always gotta keep up on all the latest ninja crap or they take his licence away. You know how it is. 

Anyway...

Here's part of the reason you might be buying this guy. Alright, so it's not an amazing loadout, but at least there's a few new things in there. Okay, like, three.

Awww...this guy isn't anywhere near as fun as Action Attack Snake Eyes was. I mean, the armor is kinda cool looking, but once again, Storm Shadow fails to really get across a "ready for winter" look. As always, he's got bare skin showing. This time, though, it's NO GLOVES. Yeah, hardcore. Also, if it's just winter gear, why is he dressed to impress the ancients? Oh right, the "test..." Anyway, his action attack works the same as SE's, and it works even worse 'cause of the skirt he's wearing. The back of the package gives you the gist of it.

Moving on the weapons:

The swords fit well, and serve to keep the armor on straight. It's just placed over his head, and the sides don't have any clasps, so it'll slide around a lot. 

The glave here is a silver version of the same glaves that came with the old Ninja Battles set that came out during Venom vs Valor. Still a cool weapon.

The swords are the same ones we saw during all of RoC, sadly. While Action Attack SE gets all new stuff, Storm Shadow is getting some rehashes.

These...things?  What are they?  Well they're actually pretty cool, but they don't stay on his forearms without ruining his ability to bend at the elbows. I can only assume they're the "climbing blades" mentioned on the filecard, but I have no idea how he's gona climb with them. If anyone has a clue what these are, I'd like to know. I don't even know where to start with googling them.

Next we have...um, that hook that came with Shipwreck. It's obviously an industrial-looking hook, and doesn't seem like a weapon he would have. It's fine, of course, 'cause no kid will question it. I also don't mind having it around...still, it's just another strange addition to a strange figure. I guess it'll help him climb.

Man this guy complains a lot. AA SE was way more fun.

Well, this is probably the best weapon in the set.  It's a brand new claw, and the best one yet. Clips on firmly and looks great! Just like ALL the stuff this guy comes with: you'll want to give it to someone else!

Aw, no, Storm Shadow. You don't have to do that! Come on, man. 

. . .

Oh man, that's awkward. Well, I guess the best I can do is see him off.

Rest well. Your parts will not go to waste.

So anyway, I suppose I should mention other reasons to get this guy.

Yeah...

Okay...

Alright, alright! I've got nothing. I liked SE's armor and his arms and legs. On top of that, he even had that awesome Resolute head and all brand new weapons. He was kinda strange, but at least he had fantastic parts! Storm Shadow here...well, I thought it would be similar. I've swapped his head and armor with a bunch of guys and SS figures and I just cannot find something that looks good in terms of a simple swap custom. If you want to make use of these parts, you're gona have to paint them and glue the armor down. I mean, I tried! I really did! I LOVE swapping parts on figures, but somehow I just can't make this guy work!

*sigh*...so is he worthless? Not completely. I do like the weapons and I will find some way to use the parts....but wow, they really tried hard to make this figure collect dust on the shelves. I mean HARD. Look at him! He's supposed to be a winter figure, and that doesn't work. He's supposed to be Storm Shadow, and he usually does the traditional ninja thing, but somehow it just doesn't work here either. I don't know what to make of this guy. I find the good in just about any action figure, but the action attack mixed with all the other crazy crap this guy has going on almost completely turns me off. Even some different colors might have helped a bit, but then, only a tiny bit. If you've got a custom in mind - like Ryu from Ninja Gaiden or something - then you've got THE perfect head here. The armor is even cooling looking, as well as the armored legs. Beyond that, though? This is one of the first figures that makes me feel dumb for having spent money on 'em.

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Ugh.  I mean: Yeah?  All of that?  Still true.  The only thing I can say is that, looking at these pictures again, he does look kinda cool.  He's not totally useless, as the review stated.  I could see people getting behind that look.  At the time I had had enough of Storm Shadow - and I had enough good ones around - so this was superfluous and I wanted it for parts.  He just makes terrible parts!  The armor doesn't look good on anyone else, and the head has such a deep ball socket that it doesn't fit on anyone that'll look good with it.  I never ended up taking the legs off and using them elsewhere, as I had planned.  I had assumed the armor would have found a home after all these years, but I still take it out from time to time and it STILL doesn't look good on anyone! 

The real winner is the review.  Apparently it's a memorable one.  I wish I could say I stood by his wishes and made his parts useful, but...I'd be lying.