Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Alexx Shorts: RoC K-Mart Desert 4 pack (6/17/10)

Well, this is it: I've finally decided to start reposting my old "Alexx Shorts" G.I. Joe reviews.  They're the reviews that lead to what eventually became this blog!  I'll be posting them in straight copy-and-paste format, separating them with bold dotted lines so you know where they begin and end, and then I'll post some final thoughts on what I think of the figure currently.

For those unfamiliar: I used to take random pictures here and there, but by the time the Rise of Cobra toys came out, I was getting annoying with how much people had been bashing the figures which were clearly better than the previous 25th Anniversary offerings.  I set out to show people how awesome they were, and things went from there, forming into "Alexx Shorts", named so because I thought I was going to keep to a short format with a few pictures.  I did not do that.

Back in the days when K-Mart was still a thing, around here:


Hey again, folks! I think it's time I bring you some pics of that K-Mart exclusive overpriced 4-pack from not long ago. I'm sure a majority of you passed it up 'cause of the price tag ('cause everything is more expensive there, for some reason) but I'm a fool and I bought it, awhile back. So here I am to review it and tell you how it is. Such is the nature of a review! And hey, maybe i'll make a few bad jokes along the way?

First up: The Joes!

Dookie and Doodie, er, Duke and Duty come with a smattering of of thier own items from other figures. Duty comes with his set from both his armored version and the original color of this version, and Duke just comes with all his stuff from his armored version. It's a dang fine assortment, actually! All of these are cool weapons, and I'm glad to have more of 'em around. I can't, however, say the same about Duke.

But hey, when I got tired of 25th Duke heads (and arms) at least they changed it up so I could get tired of a different Duke head! At the very least, each new head gives me a another view on the furrowed-brow "wha...?" look.

Anyway, Duty fairs a little better, 'cause I like this figure and I skipped out on the first one. Granted, I like his armored version's head much better, but this is still cool.

And hey, just for funsies, here's the armored one with the vest:

I like the idea of normal clothes over the reactive armor.

So, on with the show! How're those Cobra scum?

Really neat, actually! You get the normal assortment of accessories with the Neo-Viper, and the Officer comes with some some stuff that his other version came with, sans the giant rifle that no one can seem to hold. Instead, he gets an awesome normal gun!

The reason I like these guys is that the bronze came out so well! It's nice and shiny and cool looking. Like some sorta special armor, which is totally how I'm gona use it. It looks best on the Neo-Viper, of course, but that's just 'cause there's so much of it. It still compliments the Officer really well.

I really like the look of these guys, and it's a shame they were all regulated to multipacks. On the other hand, I like only having a few of them around. Makes 'em a little more special, and since I've only got one bronze guy, he's certainly going to be a singular person (special too, due to whatever makes the bronze more resistant to attack).

The Cobras are so cool that it makes me wish the Joes followed suit. They aren't bad, but they didn't really do anything special with them, either. Duke, as usual, comes off as the worst. The body they used isn't one of my favorites, and he's got the most vacant look out of them yet. On top of that, this pack was expensive! 25 bucks for not much imagination and, considering what you could get from Target and other exclusives, not a whole lot of stuff. Regardless, I still think it's kind of a neat pack, and if you happen to see this poor lonely pack in the clearance section at K-Mart (for more than 2 or 3 bucks off, like they normally do) then I'd pick it up! If for nothing else then the Cobras; the other guys could at least be fodder.

Now, in case you haven't gotten enough, lets see these some old fashioned good guy bad guy stuff:

If you've been collecting like I have so far, you'll probably be able to just add these guys to the desert ranks, so there's another reason (if you're a fan of the desert theme).

Finally, and I swear I'm not trying to spam these guys:

Don't ask me what this bronze stuff is that makes it able to take artillery fire. It just can.

Anyway, like I said, if you see this in the clearance isle, why not snap it up? It's not a bad set; the only thing that really set it back was the original price. If you find it cheaper, why not get yourself some super bronze armor?


Kind of a boring pack, overall!  If you like Vipers, I'd hunt down the bronze one, because he's still awesome!  Heck, all of the Vipers are pretty awesome, and you should get all the colors. This one is definitely a favorite.

Not much else to say, though!  It's not worth finding in-package, most of the figures aren't worth it, and the best I got out of it was toilet jokes, Duke-head jokes, a cool bronze Viper and some great accessories.

Good god though: What the hell is with that Duke head?  UGH.  What is that, ducky lips?  Is he taking a selfie?  Good riddance, man.


  1. "...You're the only toilet around that can withstand artillery fire.."
    Is the kind of comedic gold that was missing from my life.

  2. Bronze Viper/Officer are great looking. Same with the Desert uniforms for Duke and Heavy Duty.

    I actually managed to find a small bronze pencil sharpener toilet a lot like the one in your pictures.

    1. NICE, everyone needs a tiny toilet now and then.

    2. Thankfully Re-ment pose Skeleton came along. EVERYBODY GETTING A LOO!

  3. Weird pinched Channing Tatum face is definitely weird.

    ...but will we ever learn if those guys got their tuna sandwiches? Or were the walls painted with their intestines (seems like those wouldn't make for very good paint)?

    1. Let's just assume they got their tuna sandwiches before they were splattered like a garbage bag of chunky soup hitting the sidewalk from the second floor.

  4. Poor Heavy Duty, finally demoted from his former "well this is surely as close as we're ever going to get to having a modern Heavy Duty" status due to the (GREAT) new one.

    This pack was flagrantly for troop building, so even the $25 price probably wasn't too bad. All I ever got from it was HD, and he was a cheap toss in in an EBay purchase.

    1. Haven't picked up the new one yet, but I'm kinda falling behind on all that stuff, due to other toy purchases. Joes are falling to the wayside in a big way.