Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Octobersbest: Undead Alexx Shorts - Zombie Vipers!

WHAT IS THIS?!  Have the deep mayjiks of Halloween brought Alexx Shorts back from the dead?!

...well, maybe for a day.  For now.

I was lookin 'around for sumthin' SPOOPY and remembered that I never reviewed (among a million other things) the Zombie Vipers, from the 30th anniversary line of G.I. Joe!  How 'bout some zombies, maybe?

The "Pursuit of Cobra" and subsequent 30th Anniversary lines for G.I. Joe were some PINNACLE times for Joes.  They were fixing problems with the 25th style, the movie stuff was kinda pushed to the side, and new ideas were getting mixed with old ones to create some really cool figures!  In fact, I think I can safely say that some of the BEST Joes in recent times came from that area.  Present company very much included!

Hasbro had been building up to this idea, but it felt like it was meant to be...more.  Perhaps some sort of media to go with it?  As I said: They were making some GREAT stuff, but it never felt like the range of interest went past collectors.  The whole "Compound Z" thing started with the Hazard Viper (a personal fave), since he was packed with a briefcase full of containers holding a blue substance (and came with a backpack that...also had blue canisters in it, so he could spray the stuff?).  This lead in to the eventual Zombie Viper, which is what happens to people who come in contact with Compound Z.

What I love about these guys is that they're chemical zombies - the blue stuff on them is from the stuff that MAKES them a zombie.  The whole "mutant" thing is usually more interesting to me than traditional zombies.  Whats more, as the filecard says: These guys retain some combat skill!  So these things are mindless fighting machines that are probably enhanced by Compound Z, rather than shambling about with decaying muscles.  Needless to say: I love it.

...and HAVE loved it, since the first incarnation!  Before the Zombie Viper, all we had was the Toxo-Zombie, from Eco Warriors (if you didn't guess that was from the 90's, then you weren't there).  This one was a Toxo-Viper who had been blasted with chemicals (probably on accident) and was a walking burn-victim.  My brain is always doing a background story for Joes, so I like to think that the accident that created the Toxo-Zombies was eventually refined into Compound Z.

Further pushing these guys into the "mutant" realm is a pair of interchangeable TENTACLE ARMS!  If you look close, you can see that it's just the arms, but SUPER stretched out (you can even follow each tentacle back to a finger).  Another neat detail is that one "finger" on each tentacle hand ends in a squid-like sucker thing.  YEESH!  These guys are freakin' creepy!

OKAY OKAY anyway, there are other accessories, too!

Each zombie comes with a helmet and a tube attached to a Compound Z canister.

The helmet really hits home on the idea of these being solider zombies!  Looks freakin' fantastic.

The canister and tube are used on the back: The back has holes along his spine, and the back of the helmet has three holes.

Each zombie can at least do this, but if you've got multiples...

...you can get up to three on there (at least three that can attach to the helmet) and pump that son of a bitch up with so much Compound Z that it'll be comin' out of his eye sockets!  I assume this one is the "super solider" of the bunch.

Now we're talkin'!  You best be runnin' when Mr. Fingers comes shamblin' into town.

When you're walkin' around shooting zombies in a lab, THIS is the one that is still in the tube and breaks out to scare the crap out of you.

The Zombie Viper is an absolute MUST.  It is a well sculpted and well painted toy, the articulation is no-holds-barred, and he comes with so much stuff that you can get a nice range of zombies if you buy at least four.  You'll want more, though.  I'd even suggest at least one for people that aren't even zombie fans - it's that good of a figure.  And if you're just a general admirer of toys?  Well you can't help but be impressed when you get this thing in your hands.

Now, what kind of Octobersbest would it be if I just left it at a standard review?  Time for some ZOMBIE TALES!

The Tale of the Cornered Soldiers

Spoopy!  But how would Snake Eyes fare in a fight with the chemically undead??

The Tale of the Ninja Murder Machine

...well, what did you expect?  I mean, the title kinda spoiled the tale, I guess.


The Tale of the Techno-Vipers Leave

Yeah, short story, but would you stick around?  I'm sure they'll just pull some subwoofers out of something else. 

And finally...

The Tale of Off-Time

The SPOOPIEST of endings!  The friend that doesn't tell you when you're annoying them, OoOoOoOoOoOoO!!

Alright, that's all folks.  In terms of the figure: FANTASTIC. One of the best from the 30th.  In terms of the jokes: I am most proud of the "free radicals" one.  I may even pat myself on the back. 

I realize that zombies are getting past clich√© and into the "rebound hate" area, but these stand out to me because of the mutant aspect, and the fact that they're still soldiers and you can't just push them back.  Plus: I'll add anything to the Joe scale!  Anything.  Once you get a one scale with various possibilities, the jokes are endless.

I love these, you love these, if you don't, you should love these, and I have no idea what they go for on the after-market.  If I have struck your soul with the desire to own these: Good luck!  I have no doubt that people army-built the CRAP outta these, back when they were in stores.


  1. These are really some amazing figures. It's so sad to me how G.I. Joe just got better and better and better, and then just collapsed to the point that I have little to no interest in anything Hasbro is producing. Maybe again someday...

    And yeah, the free radicals joke was pretty good. That's guys so radical I bet he pisses Surge.

    1. Yeah, they seem to be stuck in this rut of "put out what they know already and a few remakes they wanted" and leave it at that. Someone needs to inject some freakin' life into that series, and I don't really see it happening in the form we're all familiar with. I could be wrong, but even the best stuff from PoC and 30th seemed to be mostly selling to collectors. I HOPE I'm wrong, but it never felt like it was a kid's toyline, ya know? Awesome, but nothing that could sustain itself. And...obviously, it didn't.

      Then again, I thought Sigma 6 was some mighty fine "life" being injected into the toyline, and that didn't do amazingly well either (and yet I'm always gona hang on to my Sigma 6 stuff, 'cause it's awesome).

      Finally: HA! "pisses Surge" is killing me. Surge is gona be the next "zombie chemical." It'll be pretty much the same as fast zombies, but they'll all be screaming "SUUUURGE!!" and racing each other for bottles of Surge.

  2. I like how they spew Street Fighter II sprite effects.

    1. It's Metal Slug! If it was Street Fighter I'd totally be using the vomit from when they get punched in the stomach.

    2. I was wondering what game you were pulling that stuff from!

    3. The best part is that, when you take the blood effects and change them to the negative colors: It's conveniently the correct blue color for the zombie stuff! I barely had to do any work!

  3. Free radicals. Welp, that's it. Comedy over. Everybody go home, there's nothing more to see.

    Seriously that joke was the best.

    Would Davis have lived if he had used those bullets?

    So these are cool, but I was wondering - if these guys are manufactured zombies that are completely obedient and are still being used as soldiers, why are their uniforms tattered? It fits with the zombie motif, but you'd think Cobra would want their zombie troops to look PROFESSIONAL when they're mercilessly massacring Joes and spreading terror across the land. If their clothes wear out, Cobra could change them, since they are obedient. Do they simply not care? Budget cuts? No one wants to see that? I'm thinking way too deeply about this? Which is it?

    1. NO, wait! Don't go home! I have more comedy! There's uh...some jokes about farts in here somewhere. Just a sec.

      Davis certainly tried to use those bullets, but then his neck got broke!

      Yeah, this look kinda works best for the first batch - ya know, the test subjects. After they perfect it you'd think they would have some uniforms or something! I'd say "they change their soldiers on the fly!" but then why are they all wearing green? Cobra is blue! Do they only change Night Vipers? And then, who rips their clothes up? WE MUST THINK DEEEEPER!!

    2. It's cause when they hit that Compound Z hard they Zombie out in a similar budget way that Banner did on the old Hulk TV show with Lou Ferrigno.

      that or the limbs rip the clothes when they go all EXTENTACLE!

    3. Damnit, that is gona be an AWESOME TV show! I can imagine: Extentacle, Thursdays, 7/6 Central. All the effects are old cheap 70's effects and it will be majestic.

    4. Also known as EXTEND-O-KILLS

  4. Dr Eggman is not gonna be pleased that Cobra are making zombies in his lair!

    Really want one these guys though, how where the ever sold as children toys I don't know, they're kinda scary!

    1. Oh you know Robotnik is only a few steps away from making zombies. He's done everything else! Only a matter of time. Then, when he makes zombie animals, he'll put THOSE in robots too! ZOMBIE ROBOTS!

      We've had some scary toys, over the years! I've got an even more terrifying figure from "The Mummy" series, based on the movie.


      Look at that thing! Kept me up at night.

  5. I always meant to pick up some 'a them Zombie Vipers! But I think my Joe interest has dwindled too far for me to go back and get 'em. They sure were cool, though.

    Are you using Playmobil accessories for the office equipment there? It looks legit.

    1. Honestly, I'd break for the Zombie Vipers, but I totally hear you on dwindling Joe interest.

      Yes, that is Playmobil stuff! I have a bin of things I've bought strictly for purposes like this, but I rarely use them because I keep forgetting what all I bought! There's so much stuff - I only wish some of it (like some tables and couches) were a tiiiiny bit bigger. Just a smidge. Otherwise, stuff like the shelves work great, as you can see.

  6. This is awesome. What is that containment thingie from, that the Zombie Viper is in at one point?

    1. Thanks! The containment thingie is (drumroll please) buddabuddabudda: A CUP! Yep, just a upside down cup. It was just conveniently colored in half clear and half green so that it looked perfect for a containment tube.

      Of course, I used the cup AFTER cleaning out a candy container and spending at least fifteen minutes removing the sticker from the outside and making it perfectly clear, only to find out it looked terrible. All that work, and an upside down cup did the trick!