What's in the Box?! (Issue #1)

Welcome to the first issue of what will be a continued effort to...well, force myself to look through the boxes shoved into my garage.  Each box will have different old pieces of junk and toys (and junk toys) that will absolutely NOT be guaranteed to be interesting or clean in any way!  Some of them went straight into the trash after this.

Join me!  ...please?

The debut issue of What's in the Box?! will focus on "Unmarked Box with Tags on the Side that Indicate it May have Originally Come from where my Dad used to Work."  Then I put things in it.

Starting off in the most terrible way possible: Here's another box!  We're box-ception up in this.

You see, back in early college (or the time right after High School but before college?) I was still living with my Dad.  I was also still buying toys!  It was obvious, since my room was covered in them, but I didn't want it to be obvious how many NEW toys there were, so I ripped up the boxes and threw them away ASAP.  However, certain ones - like this exclusive 200X Faker - had fancy boxes that I wanted to keep.  Sooo...I shoved them into older boxes to sort of hide them.

I should throw this away.

I didn't. 

Whoa, Built-to-Rule!  I must have shoved this in the box to get it out of the way, but I didn't want to mix it with my Legos.  Built-to-Rule was Hasbro's first foray into building-block toys.  It failed pretty badly.

One good thing about it was the figures!  I pulled Firefly out of a Joe bin to show you (I wouldn't leave him in an unmarked box).  He's got pegs on his arms and legs to allow bricks to attach, but otherwise, he's a great Firefly!  I'm surprised that, at the time, they didn't try to repurpose this mold and use it again in the normal toyline. 

Instead, they kept up this Built-to-Rule thing for a little bit before quitting.  You'd think it wouldn't be hard to market - and it probably wasn't - but the problems came from the fact that Hasbro didn't have any good builders on their team.  It takes some Lego building experience to make an item that is reinforced in the right areas for play.  The BTR items that I bought would easily fall apart and had to be reinforced in some really obvious areas.  In the end, I don't think it was a bad idea, but it's tough to get in the ring with Lego and not come out with a few black eyes and missing teeth.

Uh...this is probably going to be a staple of the "What's in the Box?!" series.  Trash!  Just trash.  I think this went to some Micro Machines set, but I don't know which and I'm not sure where the rest of the parts are.  Looks like this was some sort of parking garage?  So I have a tiny parking garage inside a box inside my garage. 

Hey, Toy Biz's Joker, from the Michael Keaton Batman movie toyline.  He's missing his nose from god knows what, and all that's left of his action feature is a yellow thingy that you fill with water.  There's supposed to be a hose that plugs into his back and attaches to the yellow thing, then you shoot water out of the flower on his lapel.  A pretty neat feature!

This is actually my second version of this Joker.  I had him when I was young - very young.  So far back that my brother was actually still playing with me, at the time.  We had this team consisting of this version of Joker, a Silver Hawks figure (the leader guy) and a robot dog from C.O.P.S.  My brother would use the Silver Hawks guy, and I'd use Joker and the robot dog.  The team would go on expeditions into "The Caves", which was the basement.  One fateful day, Joker looked over the edge of the stairs a liiiiittle too far, and fell over.  His head broke off. 

Fast forward to when my brother stopped playing with toys and got into sports (not that far ahead, really).  My mom brought me with her to watch my Brother's t-ball game.  It turned out that they were short one guy to be in the outfield, and they asked if I could do it.  I vehemently refused until my Mom bribed me with the prospect of a new Joker.  I stayed in the outfield long enough to not help in any way and miss everything that came my way, and BAM - new Joker!  That was all that mattered, after all.

And here he is today...probably fell from some high place again.  At least his head didn't fall off.

OH, A BAG!  Well, what's in the bag?

Ah crap, it's just armor parts!  This is probably going to be another staple of "What's in the Box?!"....the fact that I don't know what we'll be getting in to beforehand.

These are armor parts for the 90's Iron Man toyline, and anything that used those same molds.  For instance: I believe there's armor in there for this armored Spider-Man figure using molds from that Iron Man line.

This was a piece to that Spider-Man - a testament to how awesome the 90's were.  They didn't give a SHIT.  Spider-Man in armor carrying around nuclear waste drums?  SURE MAN, DO IT!  Who cares?  Alexx will buy it!  Hell, I'd still buy stuff like this.  I use toys like the current Super Hero Mashers to build old crazy stuff like this, since they don't do it anymore. 

You hear me, toy companies?  I will still buy nonsensical variants! 

Okay, moving on: Kevin Costner as Robin Hood!  Using a Green Arrow body from the old Super Powers line, no less.  You can tell 'cause there's a big 'ol "G" on his belt, still. 

And ya know: That really isn't a bad likeness, considering the time! 

I don't remember a single thing from that movie, but I liked the fact that the toys came with swords and cloth clothes I could swap on to other toys.

Hey, remember these?  They're little die cast metal superhero figures; possibly by Toy Biz.  They didn't move much, but they were tiny and had a nice weight to them.

I know I wanted more, back in the day, but this was all I ever got (so far that I know). 

This next one would be much more impressive with his mech!  This is from Battletech; he's just a little pilot figure.  I believe this one came from a present from a friend on my 13th birthday, where my mom rented us a hotel room and we TRASHED it.  Nice...nice work.  Kids. 

One of these boxes should have the mechs.  Someday I'll find them.  Maybe.  Assuming they aren't full of spiders. 

This, I believe, is a McDonalds toy.  Probably from when Beast Wars was the best thing ever (and continues to be). 

Not a bad McDonalds toy, all told!  I still love the little guy.  He moves pretty well for what he is, and he just looks cool.  Also: I swear that's a Megatron head.  Does anyone else think that looks like Megatron?  Maybe I'm crazy.

WOO, Go-Bots!  I had a couple of these, not that I knew they were Go-Bots, back then.  I probably just assumed they were all Transformers.  Funny thing was that - the ones that really WERE Transformers - I thought they were knock offs, like Topspin.  He just seemed cheap and weird compared to metal stuff like this. 

And hell, Go-Bots are pretty cool, if you go back and check out an archive.

As you might expect: I liked this guy because he was a red and didn't have a human-like face.  I like them real roboty ones.

Another McDonalds toy, most likely. You push the plunger and WHOOSH, off it goes.  I liked it because it looked like an F-Zero car.

In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I remember running this along flat surfaces do-do-doing the song to Mute City.

Hey!  Here's a....thing.  I'm pretty sure he came with Apocalypse, from the Age of Apocalypse toyline.  I don't know what it is.  Angry lava lamp, I dunno. 

AH GEEZE, here we go!  First of the nasty stuff.  This hair-covered monstrosity is some knock-off Gyan (from Gundam).  I painted him (that's why all the hair) and then his arm fell off, so I stuck it back together with a pin.  This is now in the trash, but here he is for posterity. 

YUS!  I'm so glad one of these guys survived!  This is a Crash Test Dummy, and they were the worst-best toys.  The best, because you could bust them apart by throwing them around, and the worst, because the springs that held them together were weak, and once those gave out....the fun was over.  I'm surprised this guy still stays together, honestly. 

My friends and I had a blast launching cars full of these guys down steps.  I really made the most out of the intended use for these poor bastards.  This green one was one of my favorites, so I guess that's why he still exists.  There was a white one that I liked more, but I think he stopped holding together at some point. 

I still love these guys, honestly, and if I could be sure that they would hold together, I'd totally hunt some down again.

Oooh kay...what else.  Some clickity-clackers?  This was fun for a few minutes. 

One of those crazy rock-like bouncy balls.  They look cool, but they're gone after a few bounces, 'cause they go off in some crazy direction once you toss it.  I probably didn't bounce this much because it was red and looked like a Chaos Emerald.

Odds and ends!  Some launchers from Terminator figures, a gun from some Thundercats guy, I think there's a missile from Grapple (Transformer), a missile from a Rambo figure, and a gauntlet from a Tacky Strechoid Warrior.  Yeah, that's right: I remember what these go to.  Okay, except the boxing glove gun.  I didn't have whoever that came with - I found it on the ground.  Doesn't count.

Keychains!  A hammer and two guns I saved for use with the few 12 inch figures that I had.

Um...a tiny ship that went to a Zoids figure, maybe?  I'm just taking a shot in the dark.  I never had any Zoids, but my friends did.  It's possible I asked to keep this.  Or I took it.  Who knows, I was/am an asshole.

And this was from my stint as a Sheriff!  It's all scuffed up because I probably threw it like a ninja star, knowing me.

Little box of rocks.  I liked rocks and gems and stuff.  Still do, in a way.  I just don't keep them like a pack rat anymore (that's reserved for toys). 

I have to assume this came from a quarter machine.  It's a random lucky number generator.  Highly technical.  You wouldn't understand it even if I tried to explain it.

RUBBER SNAKE!  AH!  I hoped it would glow in the dark, but no dice.  I think it used to be some color beyond nasty-gel-color, but who knows. 

Oh man, this guy has some history!  I had this thing when I was very young.  I have no idea where it came from or how I got it.  I didn't even know what it was.  The problem with it, was that it was kinda fragile and came apart so it could transform.  I carried it around with me everywhere and slowly lost most of its parts.  I distinctly remember the head going down a drain pipe and my little-kid self was super bummed about it.  I didn't find out what this was until later, possibly around high school time, when a friend randomly got me this for my birthday:

All they knew was that I liked robots, so they picked out some cheap robot that they thought looked cool.  They had no idea that this was the exact same mold as that old robot I had all those years ago.  Turns out it was Xabungle!  Yes.  Combat Mecha Xabungle, the very same.

If you already know it, then good on you!  You can probably guess that I had no idea what that was, but if it's not obvious: It's an old super-robot era anime by good 'ol Yoshiyuki "Kill 'em All" Tomino himself, the creator of Mobile Suit Gundam (among others).  Something just draws me to his work, I guess - even back when I was knee high to a grasshopper. 

I'm fairly sure my new one is a knock-off, but it doesn't line up with any knock-offs that I've seen.  One such knock-off shares the same colors with the new one, but doesn't say "Xabungle" on it.  The others I've seen don't line up with the old original, either.  I can't find a single picture of one with those stickers on its wings.  Chances are: They're both knock-offs!  But who knows?

Xabungle doesn't do much.  He has what he needs to turn into a car-thing and that's about it.

Going by the opening to the series: The legs turn into a trailer and the front is a flying car thing.

Which is funny, because I remember opening the back trailer and using it as wings (instead of the actual wings on its front). 

Now, later on (late high school or early college, possibly) I ran across a newer toy of Xabungle.  It was in the same kind of series as Mobile Suit in Action (MSiA) and moved pretty well, because of it.  It just sacrificed the ability to turn into the car.

So I've got a bit of a thing for Xabungle, and it's all because I had a random toy of it when I was very young. You can imagine that I was super excited to find out that most of his weapons are hilarious and ridiculous.  Love that stacked quad-barreled cannon!  And the tri-barreled cannon on his shoulder.  And the missile box.  And the rifle.  Xabungle will wreck your shit, man!

Alright, that's it for the first issue of "What's in the Box?!"  I hope you're glad to find that there is no head in the box.  I can say with complete certainty that there will be no heads in these boxes.  Well, no previously alive heads.  Just toy heads. 

Pretty sure.

Anyway, I'll come back to this from time to time, so keep a look out for more utter TRASH!