Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Schwag Brag Super: Excitement! There are How Many Toys?!

It's time for another list of things!  Why?  Because I didn't prepare anything else!

So come on in and set down with a bowl of minestrone a la toys!

First and foremost we have Carnage!  I had written this one off as lost to the toy isles.  I didn't want to pay the usual "this is rare, I guess" prices, so I went without.  But lo and behold: There it was, sitting on the shelf!  As per usual, stores tend to sit on some stocks of toys until near Christmas, then, suddenly, toys that were supposed to be out earlier in the year materialize!

Yeah, I like Carnage.  I'm a 90's kid, whadoyawant?  If "Dark and Edgy Reboot" was in the dictionary, Carnage would be the example pic.  It's Venom, but OH MAN MURDER!  I mean, anything goes.  Venom had some "morals" but 'ol Cletus Kasady was a straight up serial killer with super powers!  HARD.  CORE.  For the time, anyway.

I dunno what they're doing with him nowadays, but I'm sure the writers are passing him around trying to give the poor guy a home.

In other Superhero news: Bizarro!  I love you!

*ahem* More Total Heroes.  Bizarro has open hands for some reason.  He's all backwards, so I guess it makes sense.

Also Mr. Freeze!  He's using the same mold as Cyborg and Lex Luthor, but it still works and looks different enough.  I do wish they had made use of the ports in his gauntlets and gave him some ice weapons, but EH.  It works.  The helmet comes off so you can turn his head, and he's got his ice gun - though it doesn't do anything.  Kind of a budget toyline, you know.

In other 6 inch news: Luke Skywalker!  Puppy dog!  I mean, is it coming out in the picture above?  You see his face?  What's with that?

Ah well.  This is one of my favorite looks for Luke, so I had to get him.  I just wish they had thought about his face sculpt for two seconds and tried to...I dunno, make him look determined?  How the hell is THAT face supposed to face off in action poses with Darth Vader?

...well okay, it'll be hilarious, but that's beside the point.

Wait, no, that IS a major point, for me!  So everything is fine!

Anyway, one more: Proto Boba Fett!  Sorta.  The old prototype figure was totally different (still all white) but they just recolored normal Boba Fett and called it a day.

I don't even have the normal Fett (I ain't gona hunt it down either) but I don't think I need him.  This gets me my Fett kicks, and it looks slick, so I'm set.  Set slick kicks.  SETSLICKKCILWSKFFFUUAA

It's not a bad figure, but his legs are restricted by the big 'ol pockets on his thighs.  The pockets are on a belt, though, so if you don't care so much about how they're positioned, you can push them to the side to get the legs to move up a bit more.  Not a deal-breaker, anyway.

Yes, this is from the same line as Link and Bowser - the Jakks Pacific toyline.  They made a Wario.  He's everything you might expect from a fat sack of nasty like this.  His head turns, the shoulders move outward, forward and back, wrist joints, and the feet turn.  I could have used some angled cut joints in the legs, but EH...he has what he needs.

And what a coincidence!  I also found his....uh, brother?  Are they related?  I dunno.  Anyway, it's the K-Nex blind bagged Waluigi (damnit that name makes no sense) and OH GOD THAT IS THE FACE OF A RAPIST.  Yeah, Wario is a nasty fart-filled beast of a man, but he's more like your inappropriate-joke-telling uncle.  Waluigi....I don't trust that guy.  Lock that son of a bitch up.  I don't want that loony toons in my house.

But he IS in my house.

In non-creepy block figure news: Hasbro's G.I. Joe Kre-O blind bags have reached thier zenith.  Yes.  TECHNO-VIPERS!  And to put a cherry on top, Hasbro decided to remove the codes on the back, starting with this wave.  So, rather than finding the three I needed real quick, I had to feel 'em up.  My wife helped me feel!  Thanks wife!  You can feel with me anytime *DISGUSTING WINK*

More tiny things!  This is from a boxed line of small Gundam figures called Assault Kingdom.  They're showing up at Barnes and Noble.  I have a few so far, but I was missing an absolute STAPLE of Gundam - The Zaku II.  This guy is sporting a top cannon for long range shooting and general hilarity.  Why hilarity?  It's called a "top cannon" because it's just a cannon taken from the top of a tank.  Not a normal tank, of course - why would Zeon make anything normal?  Nah, it's from a tank called a Magella.  The turret can break off and fly around.

Thank you Zeon.  You make me happy.

Sticking around the same size: Yeah, I bought more Sonic Boom figures.  What can I say, I'm a Sonic fan!  I will try to rationalize these purchases, to you (totally not for my own benefit):  They came in two packs, so I have more than I would normally get.  I wanted Amy, because I didn't like her Jazwares versions.  Not that they were bad figures; I just never liked her standard look.  This is an improvement, I think - I like the coat.  I kinda wish this one had a hammer, but oh well.  Next, I wanted Tails, 'cause I like the idea of him being decked out in gear, AND he's finally in scale with everyone else!  He even works with the Jazwares stuff!

Sonic and Knuckles came along for the ride 'cause they were in the two packs.  Sonic isn't a bad look, but Knuckles....well, I don't disagree with the size-up, for the new toon.  It's just kinda freaky, is all.  Anyway: Nice figures!  Highly suggested if you're a fan, and they're much more sturdy than the Jazwares figures.  I wouldn't hesitate to get these for any young Sonic fans that you know or are related to.

What's next, OH SH---


They're making Hot Wheels based on Marvel Superheros, and this is the Thor themed car.  Mjolnir is on the front bumper - scratch that, it IS the front bumper.  I ran into a friend while at a TRU and we shuffled around looking at random toys when we saw this majestic beast.  What followed was a series of jokes about the Thor Car (in standard "Chuck Norris Joke" fashion).  Then, of course, I told another friend and FURTHER jokes were made.  I don't think I can come up with them all again, but you can probably get the gist:

 - The Thor Car doesn't stop while going through drive throughs, but it still gets food.
 - The Thor Car shops by smashing through the grocery store at top speed.
 - If the Thor Car cuts you off, YOU get a ticket.  You also get a ticket if it crashes into you.  What were you doing in its way?
 - If you lose a game of chicken with the Thor Car, it's because it obliterated your car and called you chicken for dying.  The cops also toss a ticket on your corpse.
 - ...I think it might have cut the world in half by driving around it?  This joke went on FOREVER.

And yes, it's still funny.

Since we're on the subject of power: How about The Rangers of Power?  I'm obsessed with these little suckers.  I've already showed off a couple before, but now I'm in the thick of it.

It's just great to have all these various Rangers in the same size!  That, and I don't even know who half these guys are - I just love the look.  THERE WILL BE MORE.

Alright, lets shift gears for a BIRTHDAY SPECIAL!

I never went over my various Birthday gifts and/or findings (B-day was October 8th), so i'll shovel them all into this Schwag Brag!  First off, there was much TMNT.

My wife got my all four of the classic comic style Ninja Turtles.  If you didn't know: They all started out with red bandanas.  These figures are both awesome and infuriating.  They're awesome 'cause I love the molds and the look of them.  They're infuriating because they all have sideways wrists and THEY DON'T TURN.

Posing these things is so annoying!  Why do you keep reinventing the wheel, Playmates?!  You already built the perfect turtle!  Your animated versions had wrist joints, different molds, and a ton of weapons!  These ones cut costs by using the same body for all of them and only making new heads and weapons and you STILL had to cut the wrist articulation?  Also: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HIPS?!  They're so awkward!  You already had it down with your previous Turtle figures!  What happened?  Did you lose the plans for how articulation works?  Did you forget?

Seriously people: I have to know how you keep doing this.  If a representative of Playmates ever stumbles across this dusty little corner of the internet - please - tell me.  How can you make great little toys that pose so well and then totally forget?

WHEW, anyway, I also found Tiger Claw and a robotic Foot Soldier.  Tiger Claw is pretty awesome, even if you have to SHOVE the guns in his hands, which bends the handles (and one of the guns never stays secure in the holster).  The robotic Foot Solider is a disappointment 'cause all those hand attachments just drop off when you try to mess with him.  It would be useless for a kid, because any time you try to move him like he's trying to hit another toy - SHEEEW - off goes a weapon!  Oh well.

Slash, here, was not obtained around Birthday times, but whatever.  He's TMNT, so he'll fit in here.  He's cool, and has the articulation he needs.  His wrists don't move, but they aren't sideways, go figure! Works a lot better that way, if you ask me.

While up in Traverse City, I found ALL THE TRANSFORMERS.  Well, everything I was looking for.  These two were high up on the list - Windblade and Crosscut.  Windblade is a fan-made (sorta) character that adds another female to the small pool AND she is a plane AND she has a sword AND she's sporting red, so...instant buy, for me.  Planes and swords usually do it.  Crosscut also sports the proper Alexx colors: red and silver, so, yes please!  I also like his tons-o-guns style, even if blades are usually more my thing.

Skrapnel, the purple and yellow guy, was in the last Schwag Brag, but I had forgotten when I took this pic.  Otherwise, all the rest were bought up in Traverse City.  All good stuff, though, the blue guy on the end, Gears, is particularly cool.

And BAM - JERTFUR!  Jetfire.  This is Jetfire; bought with birthday money.  I had his classics version from a few years back, but left him in a window and turned his nice white color to yellow, so I wanted this one pretty bad.  He's better in many, many ways, and lesser in only a couple, namely: his back jets don't turn into guns (though you can still do some cool things with it) and his weapons are chromed, though that didn't end up bothering me like I thought it would.  He's HUGE and fifty bucks, but one of the few that feel completely worth it.  I'd snap this up if you see it.

There's a little toy shop in Traverse City called Toy Harbor that has all kinds of classic things (and some current stuff).  There's always something interesting there.  I bought two robots: One is this bendy guy with awesome sound gear in his chest.

Next is a preschool toy that I LOVE.  Because I didn't grow up (if that wasn't readily obvious).  He clicks when you move all his joints, and when you push the antenna on his head, it turns his eyes.

He's creepy and awesome, and if he ever gets up and walks around, you'll know.  Because of the clicking.  But you won't know where he is.  That is, until you see him at the end of the hall.  Slowly clicking his neck to look at you sideways.

I will not hesitate to give him to a future kid of mine.

Finally, my buddy Zach sent along his presents that showed up not long ago.  Starting from the right, you'll see a GM Cannon, from Gundam Converge (a line of tiny mobile suits with limited articulation but HIGH detail).

Next is proof that the USA has no confidence in their parents and children: A toy from a Kinder Surprise egg.  If you're unfamiliar: Kinder Surprise is a chocolate egg that surrounds a plastic container with a toy in it.  We don't have those in the US because our kids are apparently too stupid to be able to tell the difference between edible and inedible objects.  This particular toy is Soundwave, from Transformers: Prime.  He's a pair of legs, a chest, and arms, built around a gear.  He doesn't seem to transform, but I like him all the same!  His arms fold in front of him neatly, like he's awaiting orders.

Finally, on the end, is Kamen Rider Gaim, from a line of tiny, detailed, AND articulated figures called 66 Action.  They're really cool!  I've already got one other one from when I went to Anime Central (I've still gotta do a post on the swag I got there).

And the last entry: Kamen Rider Fourze Magnet States.  Kamen Rider Fourze can attach "modules" to his arms and legs.  This one's arms are taken up by the suit, so he only has his legs open.  The "modules" can be...man, just anything.  In this case, it's a wheeled leg, and an....arm leg.  For kick punching.  The arm comes up to about crotch height, so, wear a cup around him.

I love him dearly in all his ridiculousness.  And Zach, Heli: I know.  I know I MUST watch this show.  I'll get on it.  I swear.

OKAY, enough!  That's the Schwag Brag for now, folks.  Talk among yourselves and partake of the buffet table while I grab a piece of cake.


  1. Ah, good times. Me in a zaku II with a top cannon, you in a GM with a saber. Jumping at me. Then getting shot back to the ground. Then you jumped again. I couldn't get any closer, either. Because when I fired the cannon I got knocked the other way. Top cannon. Can't go wrong wiCRASH!!!
    Ah. Agh. I got... Thor Carrrred. I'm pretty sure it was the moon that got driven in half. All praise/flee in terror from the Thor Car. And of course it's still funny. We wouldn't keep making these Thor Car jokes while everyone else give us irritated glances if it wasn't still funny.

    1. Damn that top cannon! It's more accurate than it looks. But I'm nothing if not persistent. Depending on what's going on.

      Ah, the MOON! That was it! It can only get worse from here. The Thor Car joke will only get driven into the ground, which will destroy the Earth and send the Thor Car into space and beyond, until it finds the center of the universe and brings about - not the heat death or freezing death of the universe - but the RADICAL DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE.

  2. You MUST watch Kamen Rider Fourze! It's all kinds of awesome craziness and crazy awesomeness. Some of the episodes even got me in the feels. It's pure fun though. And if you like that figure, wait till you try one with all four limbs available for modules. It's pretty freakin' mind blowing. And that arm is the "hand module", not to be confused with the "magic hand module", which is really a pincer on a long arm. Anyway, the hand module is for epic multitasking. It lets Fourze focus on something while the arm does something completely unrelated. Like building a bicycle while he solves math problems. It would obviously work well as a kick puncher too. Seriously though, it's a good show.

    As far as Kinder Surprise goes, you have to ask yourself: WHY doesn't the US trust their kids. Rules and regulations all come from somewhere. There must actually be enough kids there that would eat the toys. Otherwise, what's the point?

    The "I Watch You Poop" Robot. Perfect. Make that pic your user image. All of your future profile pics are taken care of for life. That's it. It's done. You're good. No more pictures of you will ever need to be taken.

    That bendy robot is cool too. And it looks like he knows it. Did they have other ones in that... line, I guess? A group of different-but-similar bendy robots would be nice.

    As far as the Tranformers go, I want that green plane guy with the bug. What're their names? Acid Wing and Venin? What kind of name is Venin? It's like "Venom", only, you know, much less intimidating. Sounds more like Conrad Venin - Accountant.

    I like how Windblade looks like a Geisha. I'd team her up with Drift.

    Even with the annoying wrists, I think I still want those retro Turtles. And Tiger Claw looks like he could have been around during the good ol' 90's days (which I still think made the best TMNT toys). His name is kind of boring though. Yes. He's a tiger, and he has claws. That would be like a normal, un-mutated bounty being called Human Fingernail. I guess Human Fist would still sound kind of tough.

    I was going to do a Power Rangers post called "Rangers of Power". Now I can't. So thanks for that, ya smudge.

    I wanna do a Thor Car joke! Ummm.... Thor Car has trouble accepting responsibilities, so his father takes his powers and banishes him to Midgard! Okay, that was a warmup. Thor Car has excellent trunk space! Nah, I can't do it.

    Almost done here.

    What secret accessory did Wario come with?

    Yeah, that's totally not Prototype Boba Fett! That's just white-boy Boba Fett! He's still cool, but I think I prefer the regular one.

    And Mr. Freeze gets all the cool figures. Pun intended probably mandatory.



      - I will certainly get to it! I have no doubt that I'll love it, I just need to sit down 'n watch it at some point. And I totally need a leg hand that builds things for me.

      - Nah, the US puts in some regulations so long as ONE person does something. All it takes is one person to die from something and they add a warning. That's the thing! When you read a warning like "don't use the hairdryer in the shower" you know that SOMEONE did it. At least one. So yeah, probably one or two kids choked (hopefully didn't die) and then they had to ban 'em 'cause it's usually in the best interest of a good American parent to say: "Someone take responsibility for my mistaaaakes!!" I mean, why would you LOOK at the candy you're buying for your kid? Shouldn't you just be able to have a kid tug your shirt, ask for candy, and then mumble "yeah okay" without looking at them or what they want to buy?

      - "I watch you poop" robot is the new sensation to sweep the nation for a week! Shirts! Boxer shorts! Shot glasses! We'll plaster him all over the place! But yeah...a robot that says he watches you poop. I guess....yeah, that WOULD be my mascot, wouldn't it?

      - There were indeed other bendy robots! I didn't wana go crazy, so I only bought one. They all had different main colors and robot designs on the chests and faces. Pretty cool!

      - Yeah, I'd highly suggest the green plane - it's Acid Rain, and yeah, they call the bug Venin. Not sure why. They have the rights to the name Venom!

      - Windblade is AWESOME.

      - Yeah, the retro Turtles aren't bad. They're just bad when compared to the Turtles before them...in the same toyline. You'd think they would just use the same style of articulation! And yeah, I keep looking up Tiger Claw when writing about him to make sure I had the name right. It sounds like a generic name that I would mistake for the real name, but...nope. Just Tiger Claw. I agree though, he really does have that classic feel. And HUMAN FIST is gona be one hell of a superhero.

      - Ha HA! I've taken your title! But you can use it, if you like. Just need to pay me royalties. Probably.

      - I think we can just stop at "Thor Car has trouble accepting responsibilities." PUNCHLINE! And Thor Car having excellent trunk space is just a fact, man. There's another goddamned UNIVERSE in there.

      - Wario came with a coin. Pretty much the same thing as the Figuarts Mario, but flat yellow instead of chrome, and no hole in the bottom.

      - Yeah, I dunno what it is about Boba Fett in all white. Just looks cool! I'll get a normal Boba if I ever come across him, but I won't hunt for him.

      - You're damn right it's mandatory. You avoided a citation there.

    2. Oh yeah, and apparently Waluigi is an anagram or something for the Japanese word "ijiwaru", which means "ill-tempered" or "cruel". And, according to you, "rapey".

  3. Zach already said it, but yeah, "Waluigi" is a great play on words...if you're Japanese.

    You may know this if you read the TF Wiki, but Crosscut is based on a pre-Transformers Diaclone figure. Another one with the same body but a different head sculpt became Skids, but the one that would become Crosscut hasn't had a previous release in Transformers other than a rare E-Hobby exclusive from a number of years back. So far, Crosscut hasn't had much chance for characterization other than a few panels in the current IDW comics - the toy may have come with one of those appearances.

    And I concur that Windblade is great. There is a Takara-Tomy version coming out that more closely matches her coloration from the IDW comics, which is truly great.